Two Old Posts
27 abril 2007
Last night, we had two choices for community night: a 90s dance or going to Zach’s show at a bar in Zona Rosa. The show was supposed to start around 9:30, and the dance was slated for 8ish, so we could go to both if we so chose. However, the night before I got about and hour and a half of sleep, if I was lucky. We have been working on our sociology papers that were due yesterday at midnight, so I’m just beat. They’re partner papers, and I’m working with Amy, with a topic of political parties and how they’re represented in the Salvadoran news media, pretty much in two newspapers. It was an article analysis mixed with the stuff he’s tried to teach us in class this whole semester. Anyway, I went to go eat pupusas while Amy finished the conclusion, as she told me that I had written more than she (even though our work was technically even), and then brought her pupusas back so I could take over and do some editing. The dance started, and the 90s music started bumpin. It started to rain, actually a bit harder than usual, but that didn’t inhibit anyone from bustin the move, as we had the dance outside on our patio. I finally finished editing, and then threw on my dancing attire. The theme had originally been “anything but clothes (just not naked!)” but it gradually just turned into whatever people wanted to wear, as no one had the time to make clothes and other people said they were just gonna dress normally. But, I figured I had to take it up a notch. Our last week’s community night was tie-dye, and because I didn’t have any white shirts, I decided to dye some other clothes: a light blue t-shirt, and two pairs of whitey-tighties (boxer briefs and some regular ones). So, with the encouragement of Ryan (of course he would tell me to do something), I rocked the tie-dyed t-shirt and the boxer briefs, quite a wonderful combination of color, I must say. So, I had quite a bit of fun dancing to ridiculous songs from middle-school, out in the rain, with my compañeros en crimen. Finally, though, it was time to leave for Zach’s show, and I thought that was a good idea going on an hour of sleep. So, I changed (yes, it was a shame), and about 12 of us headed over to watch him play guitar and sing. This place is in Zona Rosa, the section of the city that is the ritziest and has the most nightlife. I knew where we were going, since we pass the place every day we go to praxis, and I half knew what I was getting myself into. However, it hit me a little differently when we actually arrived. Like I’ve talked about before, El Salvador is a huge dichotomy—really, as I say, we live on Mars, cuz this can’t be real. This place was very nice and scattered with people who could have been in New York, drinking mixed drinks and trying to appear worldly. It gave me a weird feeling the whole night, not necessarily negative or even me judging them for acting in such a way with their surroundings of El Salvador.
I guess part of the reason it got me thinking was my own personal state for the past weeks. I’ve been evaluating a lot what I want to do, how I want to live, my vocation—and how all this plays into what I see and experience here in El Salvador. Sometimes, there are conversations here about how one could live in luxury here, surrounded by all this poverty—how could one shop and have a nice house and “safe” life? But it’s not different than in the States, except the poverty and danger doesn’t confront you in such a harsh way. The reality isn’t in so many places, depending on where you live, obviously. So, if you’re going to make that argument about well-off Salvadorans, you’ll have to do the same about well-off North Americans. However, take some of the middle-class Salvadorans and compare them to some extremely poor people in Haiti or sub-Saharan Africa. Then, don’t you have to condemn them too? Basically, if you follow the argument, you would! Basically, then, everyone would have to lower his/her standard of living to that of the poorest person on the earth? Well, that isn’t making much sense, so we can’t really condemn these well-off Salvadorans like we’re doing and for the reasons we’re using. Instead, let’s think about what we can do and how we can understand the situation. Are we not allowed to have a car or a computer because the grand majority of the people in this world don’t have them? I’m gonna have to say no to that one, not just because I composed this on my MacBook or because you’re reading it from your own computer. I think this whole thing goes back to my last entry about being personally liberated, about doing things for yourself and not being influenced by others. Furthermore, I think that we must be very careful how we say that we and others need to live their lives. In the very least, we could always be criticized by someone else for some luxury item we possess. And for some, the shoes on your feet are a luxury item.
Part of this whole process, for me at least, is understand the personal degree of all this, of all this knowledge and experience I’m collecting, of my understanding of the world and others. This is part of my being liberated, as our theology professor would phrase it. I’m discovering my own personal belief system, how I want to live out my vocation. Those choices about what you want to have and what you choose to deny is yours. We can be encouraged by other people to change our actions, but in the end of the day, we have to take credit for what we do, what we have, who we are. Someone else can’t tell me how to be in solidarity with the downtrodden and how to live a simple life. Sure, I can take their suggestions, follow their example, or even feel the pressure to live a better life through their way of living. However, I will not let others try to tell me how to live my life, and on the other side, I cannot allow myself to tell others how to live their lives.
27 abril 2007 21:39
This morning, after theology class, I left the building with Chris. At a certain point, he went to split off the path back home, saying he was going to the Chapel (at the UCA). My plan after class was to get in a good hour nap before lunch, but when he said that, it reminded me of how much I had been wanting to go to the Chapel, to go to the Rose Garden—reminding me of my intention at the beginning of the year to visit those two places as much as I could. Let’s just say that I haven’t held up that promise to myself, when Chris told that to me, I went for the opportunity and skipped the nap.
When we arrived, the Chapel smelled of beautiful flowers, and as we got closer, I remembered that the massive amount of flowers covering the front of the church were for the recent death of an older Jesuit beloved by so many people down here. It was a strange sensation, sitting down to pray among the smell of these flowers—which in that situation was really the smell of death. Everything in the Chapel and its surroundings was reminding me of the realities of El Salvador, and I lost myself in thought. That happens more than usual here in El Salvador, just getting lost in memories and old experiences especially. Something about this place just makes me think of my past, and evidently that happens with a lot of students, as one of our directors told me. Especially last semester in Spain—my thoughts come from then. I have flash memories all the time from experiences during last semester. Basically, just how I’m writing here was how the thoughts came out of me. The people in my praxis site, my compañeros here, my successes and failures, my future (hell, even this summer), and so much more.
I left the Chapel and went to the Rose Garden, still completely lost. I was just praying, pleading with God to help me understand this place, to understand this experience, to help all this make sense in my life. We really do live on Mars, as this experience here has been so weird I can’t even explain it. Salvador really makes no sense, and now I’m beginning to understand why—and I think this process will continue throughout my time after I leave.
I want to return to normalcy—or at least what I’ve come to understand—and try to piece everything together. With my life.
Last night, we had two choices for community night: a 90s dance or going to Zach’s show at a bar in Zona Rosa. The show was supposed to start around 9:30, and the dance was slated for 8ish, so we could go to both if we so chose. However, the night before I got about and hour and a half of sleep, if I was lucky. We have been working on our sociology papers that were due yesterday at midnight, so I’m just beat. They’re partner papers, and I’m working with Amy, with a topic of political parties and how they’re represented in the Salvadoran news media, pretty much in two newspapers. It was an article analysis mixed with the stuff he’s tried to teach us in class this whole semester. Anyway, I went to go eat pupusas while Amy finished the conclusion, as she told me that I had written more than she (even though our work was technically even), and then brought her pupusas back so I could take over and do some editing. The dance started, and the 90s music started bumpin. It started to rain, actually a bit harder than usual, but that didn’t inhibit anyone from bustin the move, as we had the dance outside on our patio. I finally finished editing, and then threw on my dancing attire. The theme had originally been “anything but clothes (just not naked!)” but it gradually just turned into whatever people wanted to wear, as no one had the time to make clothes and other people said they were just gonna dress normally. But, I figured I had to take it up a notch. Our last week’s community night was tie-dye, and because I didn’t have any white shirts, I decided to dye some other clothes: a light blue t-shirt, and two pairs of whitey-tighties (boxer briefs and some regular ones). So, with the encouragement of Ryan (of course he would tell me to do something), I rocked the tie-dyed t-shirt and the boxer briefs, quite a wonderful combination of color, I must say. So, I had quite a bit of fun dancing to ridiculous songs from middle-school, out in the rain, with my compañeros en crimen. Finally, though, it was time to leave for Zach’s show, and I thought that was a good idea going on an hour of sleep. So, I changed (yes, it was a shame), and about 12 of us headed over to watch him play guitar and sing. This place is in Zona Rosa, the section of the city that is the ritziest and has the most nightlife. I knew where we were going, since we pass the place every day we go to praxis, and I half knew what I was getting myself into. However, it hit me a little differently when we actually arrived. Like I’ve talked about before, El Salvador is a huge dichotomy—really, as I say, we live on Mars, cuz this can’t be real. This place was very nice and scattered with people who could have been in New York, drinking mixed drinks and trying to appear worldly. It gave me a weird feeling the whole night, not necessarily negative or even me judging them for acting in such a way with their surroundings of El Salvador.
I guess part of the reason it got me thinking was my own personal state for the past weeks. I’ve been evaluating a lot what I want to do, how I want to live, my vocation—and how all this plays into what I see and experience here in El Salvador. Sometimes, there are conversations here about how one could live in luxury here, surrounded by all this poverty—how could one shop and have a nice house and “safe” life? But it’s not different than in the States, except the poverty and danger doesn’t confront you in such a harsh way. The reality isn’t in so many places, depending on where you live, obviously. So, if you’re going to make that argument about well-off Salvadorans, you’ll have to do the same about well-off North Americans. However, take some of the middle-class Salvadorans and compare them to some extremely poor people in Haiti or sub-Saharan Africa. Then, don’t you have to condemn them too? Basically, if you follow the argument, you would! Basically, then, everyone would have to lower his/her standard of living to that of the poorest person on the earth? Well, that isn’t making much sense, so we can’t really condemn these well-off Salvadorans like we’re doing and for the reasons we’re using. Instead, let’s think about what we can do and how we can understand the situation. Are we not allowed to have a car or a computer because the grand majority of the people in this world don’t have them? I’m gonna have to say no to that one, not just because I composed this on my MacBook or because you’re reading it from your own computer. I think this whole thing goes back to my last entry about being personally liberated, about doing things for yourself and not being influenced by others. Furthermore, I think that we must be very careful how we say that we and others need to live their lives. In the very least, we could always be criticized by someone else for some luxury item we possess. And for some, the shoes on your feet are a luxury item.
Part of this whole process, for me at least, is understand the personal degree of all this, of all this knowledge and experience I’m collecting, of my understanding of the world and others. This is part of my being liberated, as our theology professor would phrase it. I’m discovering my own personal belief system, how I want to live out my vocation. Those choices about what you want to have and what you choose to deny is yours. We can be encouraged by other people to change our actions, but in the end of the day, we have to take credit for what we do, what we have, who we are. Someone else can’t tell me how to be in solidarity with the downtrodden and how to live a simple life. Sure, I can take their suggestions, follow their example, or even feel the pressure to live a better life through their way of living. However, I will not let others try to tell me how to live my life, and on the other side, I cannot allow myself to tell others how to live their lives.
27 abril 2007 21:39
This morning, after theology class, I left the building with Chris. At a certain point, he went to split off the path back home, saying he was going to the Chapel (at the UCA). My plan after class was to get in a good hour nap before lunch, but when he said that, it reminded me of how much I had been wanting to go to the Chapel, to go to the Rose Garden—reminding me of my intention at the beginning of the year to visit those two places as much as I could. Let’s just say that I haven’t held up that promise to myself, when Chris told that to me, I went for the opportunity and skipped the nap.
When we arrived, the Chapel smelled of beautiful flowers, and as we got closer, I remembered that the massive amount of flowers covering the front of the church were for the recent death of an older Jesuit beloved by so many people down here. It was a strange sensation, sitting down to pray among the smell of these flowers—which in that situation was really the smell of death. Everything in the Chapel and its surroundings was reminding me of the realities of El Salvador, and I lost myself in thought. That happens more than usual here in El Salvador, just getting lost in memories and old experiences especially. Something about this place just makes me think of my past, and evidently that happens with a lot of students, as one of our directors told me. Especially last semester in Spain—my thoughts come from then. I have flash memories all the time from experiences during last semester. Basically, just how I’m writing here was how the thoughts came out of me. The people in my praxis site, my compañeros here, my successes and failures, my future (hell, even this summer), and so much more.
I left the Chapel and went to the Rose Garden, still completely lost. I was just praying, pleading with God to help me understand this place, to understand this experience, to help all this make sense in my life. We really do live on Mars, as this experience here has been so weird I can’t even explain it. Salvador really makes no sense, and now I’m beginning to understand why—and I think this process will continue throughout my time after I leave.
I want to return to normalcy—or at least what I’ve come to understand—and try to piece everything together. With my life.
posted by Anthony Damelio at 5:33 PM
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